Yes, I Am Trans; No, I Am Not Trapped!
The modern transsexual is a much-discussed topic these days. Whether that is in the abundance of late-night talk shows or in extended news interviews – transsexuality has long made its way into the households as a general idea – but the way it is portrayed is not always necessarily the truth.When we discuss transsexuality, one might notice, we seem to cling to this notion of the tortured soul trapped inside their body, the helpless victim of randomness. In my opinion, perpetuating this one-sided and oftentimes warped tale is not exactly the way to progressive journalism.
For one, as much as most news stations, concerned parents and confused sociologists would like me to believe, my transsexuality is neither a curse, nor a death sentence, nor the inherent trap of my own body, that is so often discussed. This narrative does not fit me, but I understand its origins. I understand why this story is repeated over and over again: It's palpable and it shifts my existence away from ‘me just being me’ towards ‘me be being a victim’. However, I am not.
This, I want to make abundantly clear: I am not trapped. I am not a scared animal awaiting execution. I am not a dupe of fate or God or my own body.
Instead, being trans was the best thing to happen to me.
Recognising my trans identity, my feelings, my experiences, my body, my doubts, as very clearly trans in nature was the best thing to happen to my understanding of myself and our society. Unbeknownst to most, transsexualism is at its core an all-encompassing emprise that begins and ends in happiness. Being trans is - on a personal level - not about suffering. It's not about how much you hate your own body. It's not about how much your hate your own voice, your face, your life, your friends, your parents, our society. All these growths of hate are like the quick sprouting fruit of a giant mycelium network underground. They are the tails of reactions to restriction, but this restriction is not rooted in the transsexual's mind.
No, instead, the transsexual's mind is the freest it has ever been – due to two reasons that complement each other.
Apriori, the practiced transsexual might notice that their identity is more often than not ostracised, diminished or declared the enemy. Recognising that your very position in our modern society threatens the status quo by mere existence subsequently challenges every societal norm about “gender” as a whole.
One might conclude that the inhibitions about who you 'really' are, who you 'should' present as, who you 'might please' with your attitude hold no power over your identity anymore. Because you will always be a threat to the people considering you inhumane, it does not matter in which direction you step. It does not matter if you become more or less feminine; more or less masculine, more or less androgynous - you will never be considered ‘enough’ to the people believing that you are sick deep down - so your self-conception could not matter less to them. This is a freeing realisation.
Secondly, once you figure out that your identity is tailored to yourself, you understand that there could not possibly be a person understanding your identity as well as you do. Thus, no matter what you do, you will always be in the right. Every decision becomes the right decision, as long as it feels good to you - and you alone – since every expectation that had laid upon your shoulders lifted overnight. You'll get the chance to define yourself in new, exciting, and creative ways. All of a sudden, your body, your presentation, your attitudes, everything about how others perceive you, it all becomes devoid of meaning to others. Your body becomes a canvas to your wildest dreams. Whole communities are exploring their newfound freedom from the pressure of gender. No one could possibly berate you on your gender anymore.
Yet, due to unlucky political and societal circumstances, many of us are feeling trapped inside their own bodies. Still, it’s not their cruel minds holding them hostage – contrary to what the Facebook-Mommy-Groups like to believe – it is society forcing them into a bigoted version of gendered identities. Because sadly, this utopic (maybe partially realised dream) stands in direct conflict of your body becoming a political identity, a statement, and a war zone all simultaneously upon the realisation of your trans identity; thwarting most chances to openly experiment on gender(s) and identity. Being trans sits paradoxically on the intersection between 'nobody being able to dictate your gender' and 'everybody trying their absolute best to dictate your gender'. Being trans means being a target, which is why the common transsexual might not make use of their liberation or set it aside for the undefined time, until safety sits a bit closer to their chest. And this reality hurts me because I don’t want it to be this way. I want peace and I want safety. I want my trans siblings to exist without pain. I want a world in which we can all be ourselves and I want to look every trans person on this big blue rock floating through space into the eyes and tell them the exact same ten things:
- Breathe.
Don’t panic.
Everything will be okay.
Read that again. - There are no rules to being trans. Whatever you’re doing right now, it’s perfect.
- It’s okay to be confused by (2) at first.
- No matter your identity, you are not a burden to society.
- The world is becoming increasingly more hostile to trans, intersex, and gender non-conforming people. It’s okay to be afraid of the future. I’m proud of you for coming this far already. Read (1) again.
- Safety always comes first, in any situation.
- Whatever makes you happy is worth it.
- There is no secret test you need to pass before being trans. You just are.
- This is neither a checklist, nor a rule board. It is gentle advice. My experiences as a trans person are not a guideline, but maybe common enough to offer solace.
- I LOVE YOU; I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
What I can say is that it is not enough to fight for our rights. It is not enough to resist our deaths. It is not enough to debate us.
We must survive, we must thrive, we must be integrated into society. We cannot have courtroom debates about our existence. We must survive; it is vital to the continuance of democracy. I know that we will survive. I know that from the bottom of my heart, they cannot kill us.
